Hello everyone 🤗.I am back like….🤔.I have nothing 🤣.I have the lamest jokes though not really cause I don’t realise when I am being stupid that it’s actually really funny cause my sister laughs. Tonight am happy.Your curious to know why I am happy.. I know your curious😏.Probably not but I will tell you either way. A very special friend tonight sent me a letter. Yes, I said letter.When was the last time you wrote one let alone received a letter and high school doesn’t count because that was just a way to pass time and gain fans from your friends. So yes, a friend who is more than I had given him credit for sent me a letter and it was very heartfelt.He is my bud and I love him,has the cutest smile ever and has a heart as large as a teddy 🐻. #yeah, teddy bears in my books have big largeass hearts and the cuddliest animals. So here I want to thank Kish. You are the best bud anyone would ask for and I am sorry I thought I needed that my friends, the majority of those “friends “filtered and thinking that I don’t have those all time cool friends. You are closer than most and I wouldn’t replace you for anything 😘.

So on Wednesday night I decided that I needed to take a break from social media to test out a personal theory of mine that I needed affirmation on. I decided to freeze a couple of my apps like Whatsapp,Instagram and Twitter. Soul reason was for me to not have to look on my feed every minute whether I had new updates and whether someone liked my tweet or instagram post.Yes, sad as it sounds I am one of those people who secretly or obliviously live on validation from people on social😔.Can I be honest with all of you, probably you are too. You may not realize it but even posting a picture on social and getting likes, comments and what nots is seeking validation.This is nothing wrong actually, not until it becomes a life line or a goal. There are times I post a picture on Instagram and get so effing frustrated that it looks soo good and I look so fly on the picture and I don’t get a hundred likes. I took those two days of it to see what effect it would have on myself and those I seek validation from and truth be told ,I didn’t loose a thing cause of it. Those I seek such validation of who I think I am didn’t change one bit. None slid in my Dm and complained of my inactive state cause let’s be honest here they didn’t give two shits about it or me. To say I feel stupid right now, doesn’t cut it for me cause when I learn some of this mistakes I make, I feel like I fail a part of myself that is smarter than that and waay more matured than that. I wish I could cut myself some slack and I advise you early for those who are probably sailing in the same sinking boat as I am, cut yourself some slack too. Posting and being trendy has nothing to do with hating yourself a little because you got a slightly lower number of likes on a post. Its not worth it and I have learnt that.

I asked my sister a while ago whether social media changes peoples faces because in Instagram, my pictures look like I probably don’t have pimples left right and center and a glance on the mirror reveals every freckle and flaw I wish I didn’t have. Her response was maybe and I have pondered over that for the past two days and I came up with an answer.Me on Instagram and me on the mirror are one and the same person. The only difference is that I set it in my mind that those who will check out the picture on IG will think I am this person who has it all beautiful and glamorous and so I look at the picture with their eyes. The freckles and pimples are usually still there ,I just rather not see them. When I look in the mirror,I have the best reality check and punch to the gut cause there I only see myself and I don’t have anyone else’s opinion to seek other than mine and that’s when I see every flaw. This goes back to all the insecurities in my life that I need to let go of cause of how much of a hindrance they pose in my life.Truth be told I won’t stop posting my favourite pictures on Instagram 🤳,I just will do it with a whole different mindset and not as a source of validation of who I am. Trust me the frustration is not worth it people. If you fall in my category,simply try out what I did even for longer days. I knew what the truth was all along, I just needed affirmation for it. And trust me, taking time of social is so refreshing and liberating. It releases you from a bondage you don’t realize you were held in. Give it a shot and try use simple means of communication like texting and calling or you can simply take a whole time off everything and do other better stuff like read a book or take walks .I never want anyone to have to feel like they are only limited to other people’s opinions of them.

This is my process of slowly learning that others opinions aren’t everything. Trust me it’s not easy when sometimes all you feel is the judging eyes from everyone and you want to cower away and this case I want to cower away like a kitten. Anyway, take this as a lesson that social is and will never be a means for validation. Am just happy am yet to get to wantingy life to look as artificial as they make it look there. It’s not well worth it and I will say it over and over again🙁.I hope this changes something for you if your affected in any way. Have a lovely weekend and feel buzzed and mellow😋😉 but don’t be too naughty.✌

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