Beautiful… Nah😮

Hello lovelies .Two updates in a day, am hella proud of myself for that. Good work Mercy👍.Earlier in the morning I was in a total somber mood and I am better thank you very much. Probably none of you understand what it is am saying cause I didn’t post it on my social. I will..or I may not too.Still thinking about it. Anyway, this is totally different from what I vented about myself in the morning cause I was sad at the events that have been preceding in my life especially when it comes to waiting on others. Though I was more angry at myself for allowing myself to hold back my wishes for others. Clearly I don’t know what it means to stop talking about my earlier post 🤦.Enough of that.

So I have never considered myself ugly…but neither have I ever considered myself beautiful. p.s I have just gotten terrible news and I feel like I can stop writing cause I am so pissed but I won’t stop writing 😤👉💆…I am chanting a mantra right now to calm myself down… Whooah… Sorry for that.As I was saying ,I have never really given myself that pat on the back and have that inner voice in my head that assures me that am beautiful. I consider myself pleasant.Physical beauty has always mattered and let nobody tell you it doesn’t matter to them. It does matter, it just depends on the extent of how much it matters. Mine probably is at an average .To be honest as I was growing I did know I was ‘pretty ‘but it was just that. Nothing more to it. I had dated before so I assumed that it was enough validation for me that I was good looking and in my mind it was good enough for me. I am nineteen and trust me for the longest time I have still had the same mentality till now.That because I have previously dated before, I am worth a double take from a guy but it was just that. My beauty has had nothing to do with what I truly think of myself or my inner goddess coming forth and me believing that I am beautiful both inside and out😔.I know I probably have written before about how other people’s opinions seem to have a very great hold on me and its the reason I write about all my struggles of self acceptance and love.

I know in another post of mine I said that social has been a center to seek validation and trust me it’s true. But lately am not only seeking validation from others alone.. I am seeking validation from even myself.And it’s a great feeling to finally accept it. I am beautiful and let me tell you, I look 🔥.. not to exaggerate 😁.At first I thought it was the camera that was making me look good and I wanted to convince myself so .A few friends told me that I could give them a run for their money and with all honesty in my eyes I looked at them and wanted to topple over laughing because they are drop dead gorgeous. Truth be told it’s a great feeling to appreciate myself and just be happy that I am me. Not to appreciate yourself because you are dating a gorgeous guy or your crew is of beautiful human beings.No.I mean taking a good look in the mirror and acknowledging that you are beautiful or handsome in the case of guys. So yeah, I have been in my head now thinking that since I am single, I have lost an ounce of my beauty or my pleasant look is not good enough anymore just because I regarded beauty from what others see and not what I see. Now trust me, I am learning to see different. I am still single and it doesn’t mean that because of that one case I am not pretty. Today someone really special called me a name I can ascertain is not a real word, part of it that is but i don’t think he understood the extent of what it meant to me. He referred to me as Santa Magorgeous 😂😂.I hope I didn’t read too much into it but I appreciated the special complement.

Slowly and surely I am starting to make a difference in my life and just now I have realized that I use this blog as a platform to express my insecurities and learn from them .Beauty is clearly not only in the eyes of the beholder but also the beholdee.. 😉✌.Ooh and Beautiful… Hell Yeah. I am smoking hot 🤗🤗😋🤙👇

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