Ever just thought of your childhood?Well I do sometimes. Today is a Sunday and there is one insistent thought that is ever there on most Sundays.I link my childhood and my mom a lot,not sure why it happens often on Sundays.Maybe it’s because Sunday’s tend to stand out more for me than normal days. There is just always a totally different feeling Sunday has that differs so much from the other days. As a child, I was taught to always dream and wish for the best. I didn’t have any limits to my thoughts and dreams and they were beautiful in my eyes. My mother always had this beautiful way of creating the future and what she wished for me and my sister and I still carry that along with me despite the changes that have occurred since I was a child. There was one very dream and ambition that wasn’t just mine but my family’s dream and let me tell you that dream was all I knew from time immemorial. My mum always told me that we were destined for greatness and that we would go live in the states. It had nothing to do with not loving Kenyan enough or anything of that kind,it was simply just her dream for her family. And we tried everything we could. Every year we would try out the green card voucher and every year we never won. It was always a disappointment for us as a family but the greatest hope and source of our Faith never faulted.Despite the heart ache and the countless tears I never knew she shed,she always had a positive attitude and mind set that someday we would go to the states and all our problems would be over and we would have a convoy of vehicles behind us escorting us to the airport. Right there was my best dream for my first fourteen years.
And one day that dream went.It went with the one person who had planted it’s seed in not only my heart but my sister’s and dad’s too. She carried it away the minute she took her last breath. Sometimes I remember that dream. I deep down still always wonder why God never took it away from us if he was not meant to fulfill it. When I remember how every little thing in my life fit in perfectly with everything it had to do with that dream I sure do wonder. Sometimes I think that maybe it wasn’t our dream to be fulfilled or maybe it just wasn’t our time. Then again whenever I listen to country music and it touches home in my heart, it’s all it does not to bring me to my knees asking why to over a thousand questions that I still probably won’t get the answers for. It takes me back to how good thinking about my childhood dream used to make me feel and how happy I always used to feel when I would go to a land in my mind just because of that one seed my angel planted in my mind. My angel who is always with me and I sure as can feel her here with me.I guess now I understand why Sundays make me child homesick. Why all I feel is a whole mixture of emotions that sometimes are too hollow to pin out.It was my angels favourite day because her life was too beautiful for earth and she loved her maker more than she treasured her unfulfilled dream and it was all that was needed to keep her Faith going.Well,who knows maybe her dream for us will eventually grow into more than just a seed. ✌