I am in a lot of doubt of whether I will be able to complete this post but I will try. Welcome to the Chronicles of my emotions and I guess you could say this is chapter one. My inability to complete this post will likely be because I will tap so deep into my depression and I will have to feel it all through writing to be able to release the thoughts of my emotions as raw as they are to me.
My most dominant emotion is in sorta of a fix. Frustration is one of them… and anger, hurt and pain and vulnerability too add it up. Frustration because I just came to terms that I am not be making progress as I thought in being emotionally stable as I thought I was. Oh,I remember, I mentioned that before because I haven’t been stable for quite a while now. I guess sarcasm is one way to lighten up however fucked up I probably feel.
I just buried my grandma today. Let’s say I am not good with handling loss of loved ones very well anymore. I haven’t acknowledged that she is no longer with us and that I will probably never see her again. That’s where my emotion of pain comes in, I am hurt because I can’t change the unchangeable. I am well aversed with denial right now because that’s exactly it for me. Denial.When I get to acceptance, I will give it a good cry. I need to let it out in torrents,i just wish it would happen sooner than later. I still got a lot to write about but for now I am just tired, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Be thankful for when you are healthy and happy. It doesn’t always come easy for everyone else. ✌