I just took a bath. Where is the glamour or surprise in that you ask 🤔?? Well, I hadn’t bathed for a couple days as unpleasant as that revelation may sound because I have been sulking in bed and so damn tired to do anything for that matter. Yes, when I am in my very annoying funk, I am so exhausted by everything that simple day to day tasks are highly undo~able for me. So I want to let you in on how my bath time was…
Initially, I wasn’t just taking a bath to shed off the dirt I had accumulated over the couple days. I am keeping it to myself the number of days I hadn’t bathed to not entirely destroy my life reputation 😅.I wanted to release the tension from my body with warm water and just for those few minutes, close my mind and shut everything off. Not so sure whether that happened ,whether I closed my mind cause I’m pretty sure I was thinking through how to write this blog post. I had this whole entire idea of how I wanted to feel in that bathroom and how I was supposed to shed off the weight on my body. There is something I once in a while do whenever I am at my home where I cleanse myself and just take time to feel beautiful while I am bathing: I light up some candles in the bathroom and take my sweet time to lather myself and bathe very sensually. The candles are nothing fancy, just the normal nonscented kind. I usually have this whole idea in my head, where in my mind I am supposed to be in a 🛀 soaking up in a bubble bath while sipping on a glass of wine but we work with what we have right?
I don’t know whether I washed away my sorrows and tension off my body but at least I became clean 😊. My hair was soon gonna turn into a bird’s nest so a good old bath has done me well. While I was in the middle of bathing, I tried out a test theory to prove to myself that the reason as to why I can’t bring myself to physically hurt myself is because I would rather not feel pain anymore than I am mentally. I poured candle wax on my bare skin right from a burning candle and tried to numb the feeling of the heat sipping into my body. I couldn’t completely numb the pain which was sorta what I wanted to prove. I will leave it at that because my mind is still uncertain when it comes to the whole issue.
My whole bathroom experience was interesting at some extent. I had one motive when I initially decided to bathe and left with a sort of interesting feeling which wasn’t initially intended but not in a bad way. It wasn’t exactly exhilarating. On the current, I am okay. I have gotten that question today a couple times from people and to be truly honest I haven’t had a solid answer for ‘how are you?’ .For now, I am okay. Bathing has actually relaxed me and my body is at least in tune with the rest of the world for now before its dragged back by my messed up mind. I might have missed the wine and the bathtub but whatever part of me has gotten relief even just for tonight is worth the nonscented candles and look warm water.
P.s I took a couple pictures of how my bathroom looked like while I was showering with the candle light and the aura. I also took a picture of myself in that very raw moment. I recently tweeted how I haven’t felt beautiful in a while. Sulking does that to someone. The picture I took may not be all that glamoured up but for that moment, I felt relaxed.