Breathing Underwater

I’m different. Am sure we all consider ourselves so not because just because we want to feel special but because we are actually different. Being different for me is a lifestyle. I have to constantly try to maintain it and blend in even despite how different I am. I am different because I don’t conform to what people regard as normal. Am I happy to be this different, I don’t know .Does a part of me thrive in it, definitely so …..I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t.I don’t believe ultimate peace is something I have possibly ever felt. A part of me is always damned to feel turmoil and anxiety over one thing or another. I do wish though I had one ability. Something I recently pondered my mind over and now looks quite appealing to my me. Ever thought of how peaceful it is under water. How calm and silent it is and just how peaceful it can get. I wish I could breathe underwater and just sit still enough to shut out everything and anything. I’m certain enough that some of you that will read through this will probably think that I’m back to my depressive past and am not gonna justify whether it’s true or not… Think whatever appeals to you.Silence is peaceful and so is death. I wouldn’t want to die through water. I feel like its probably the worst way to die because you can’t fight it, you feel the life drain out with each breath of water as it fills your lungs. In water, I would hope to find contentment. I would hope to let my anxiety over everything go, to be still and not worry about. To completely rid myself of meager feelings and emotions that are more of burdens than a boost of my humanity. To put aside memories that do more damage than good. I wish breathing underwater would do that for me. That would be my ultimate peace.Being melancholic is hard. I feel everything thats meant to be dark. I revel in it even when it’s toxic. Walls so high up, they feel unpenetratable(not sure that’s a word.)I over think, I feel too much and I sure as hell damn care too much. Water would drown out all that for me. That’s why if I had one super power, it would be to breathe underwater 🌊.


4 responses to “Breathing Underwater”

  1. I love this – and it makes perfect sense to me. There is a peace and a level of being in a cocoon? Maybe it’s just the pressure of the water on your body that helps to make it so soothing.
    Have you tried snorkeling or scuba? I know scuba can be really expensive, but I think you can pick up a snorkel and a mask at many stores – buying fins is optional.
    I was promised – 2 years ago – for my birthday, that I’d get to spend a week by the sea. Being in my native element of water and watching dolphins. I was thinking of doing some snorkeling, depending on the clarity of the water. Still hasn’t happened yet. 😑😤 I’m thinking of adding “interest” to this promise, and instead of going to someplace I can drive to, taking a plane to someplace where the water is clear.

    **hugs**

    • Thank you so much. I wish it was possible for me but I’m actually just learning to get over my anxiety of water but I think the ability to just be still under water would be amazing and calm. I hope you get your chance to go spend time by the sea. From where I am, the only Coast in Kenya is quite far from me. I’ve been there once and I fell in love with the ocean but I have never had the chance to go back. It was probably the most beautiful thing I ever experienced.

      • Perhaps this desire will lead you past your fears. You could always start out in a pool – although finding one that isn’t crammed might be a challenge.

        The Coast that’s closest to me is about 300 miles. It’s not happening any time soon. One day. Maybe Hawaii again. A girl has to have her dreams, right?

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