Fat doesn’t always feel pretty 😔

I think as a plus size girl am bound to constantly have to remind myself that having a bit of flab on every curve of my body isn’t something I should be ashamed of .Reminding myself isn’t what’s hard, it’s believing it that can take quite a toll on me. Getting to the point where I don’t need to constantly remind myself that being fat shouldn’t override everything else about me isn’t a walk in the park. It shouldn’t be what feels like my main determining factor of what kind of person I am or whether I qualify for one thing or the other but sometimes it sure feels like it is.

I wasn’t meant to write about this but I guess it was long overdue anyway… I recently experienced a situation where I feel like my weight or my physical appearance became the reason I felt a very overwhelming sense of rejection. Sad to say, it honestly felt like shit. I went for it with everything I got but that one factor(my weight in this case) about myself overshadowed everything else about me that I’m proud of and that didn’t settle well with me…not my reserved laid back personality, not my very large but still existent sense of humor & not my cute adorable face was the reason behind the rejection, it was my weight.

Do I hate that despite the countless times I have pep-talked myself that am gorgeous even with my very flabby belly & stretch marks that grace my arms like tyre tracks ,I still feel insecure countlessly???Of course I hate it. Those moments when I wish I could suck my stomach in enough to have it completely if not remotely flat are not my greatest moments. The moments I tell myself that no possible cute/hot guy would want a girl with spilling curves are as many of the times I have come across those cute guys. Simply what I mean to say is that saying it countless times that I am beautiful and deserving of everything great in the world doesn’t always have to make believing it the easiest thing. I appreciate the moments when I feel gorgeous and beautiful in an outfit that brings out my curves because it’s in those moments when I’m able to feel confident not just about who I am as a person but also as an outstanding plus size girl. I hope to grow into those moments more and more each time and with each time slowly erase those moments when I feel unworthy of the beautiful things the world has to offer.

After that one situation of rejection, I needed to let it out to allow myself to remember that I wasn’t the problem. My physical appearance was not my fault and it never has to feel like its a fault to anyone and most especially to me. If I have to countlessly remind myself that I’m beautiful on the inside and out so it can stick in my mind not just as a saying but as a truth ,so be it…I hope to constantly have the strength to put off those waking hours when I feel unworthy even despite future rejections that may occur. I’m sure as hell better than believing them. ✊🏿

10 responses to “Fat doesn’t always feel pretty 😔”

  1. I adore this post! It’s powerful, it’s strong, and it’s 100% right on the money. If someone “can’t” love you as you are, then there is no way you will ever be “good enough” for them. It will be your weight, then your hair, then your income, then you’re ability to cook like Mom or some other level of generalized stupidity. Really? You “love”me, but want me to change? That’s not love, it’s manipulation.

    You are wonderful, compassionate, smart, funny and honest. Those are incredible qualities to have – and you’re gorgeous as you are. Never, ever, forget that. You are more than a number on a scale, or a size in clothing. You are a bright and shining soul in a wonderful package, and the right man will see that, and give thanks to all that is holy that he found you. He’s out there. **hugs**

    • 💕💕💕💕💕This is the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me and I couldn’t be more grateful to have met you through this site because you are the kindest and most loving soul I have had the pleasure of interacting with. I had missed you and your encouraging words that never seize to bring tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for this. It’s beautiful and I am overwhelmed with love and adoration for your kind words always .Sending all my love to you.

      • Aww, Sweetie! Now you’re making me cry – and that’s never pretty, lol.

        If I can see all this amazing and powerful elements of you, from halfway ’round the world and through words only – imagine what your love will see!
        As for how I respond, I’m only reflecting back your love, kindness and courage for being out there in this big wide world. I *know* one day, you will post about finding HIM, and I will dance and cry and be so happy for you both.
        *many hugs, all the love, and a kitty head bonk to add to the care*

    • You are so welcome! I adore reading what you write, and how well you do so, and how beautifully open you are with what’s going on. THis man has NO idea how lucky he is going to be!

      • Thank you so much for this…. It means the world to me…. Am happy you enjoy and take your time to read through the roller coaster that is my life and emotions all put in one. Your an amazing soul and my inspiration to continue being true in my writing.

    • Absolutely Awesome-Inspiring and so on point. Thank you for your courage to inspire, encourage and give us the confidence to celebrate our individuality and beauty.

  2. Thank You for giving me us a peek at your true self. It’s beautiful! I have not always been a plus-size woman and up until a month ago, I decided to stop torturing myself with every diet every day. I am 60 years young, I am eating healthy and walking …for my health, I no longer worry about my size and yes I am beautifully made.
    And so are you!!!

    • That’s wonderful Veronica, I’m glad to hear that you appreciate yourself just as you for I’m certain you are beautiful regardless. It’s been a journey for me and still very much is but I hope that I can grow each day learning to appreciate the skin and body I’m in. Thanks so much again for sharing that with me.

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