I always love the end of an year ,not just because Christmas comes along but also because it gives one the motivation to wanna start on a clean slate for the new year. Iām about to write on how I want to start clean but in an unconventional way. I donāt want to be more happier or less sad. Iāve settled with the part of me that acknowledges that the bridge between my happiness & sadness is what makes me uniquely different. Iām a swinger. Technically we probably all are in life but mine sways a little further from the conventional. I truly do hope that whatever I choose to change in the next year, goes through.. even if itās just for a little bit.
Iām feeling pumped & energetic at the moment about what I want to change in the upcoming new year. Call them resolutions, I donāt care.. They just have to be effective and gradual. So for starters, Iām DONE getting whack sexš£š£ā¦.Get that one loud and clear. Like thatās at the top of my list. Being a pushover most times doesnāt allow me to say what I want, how I want it, whether I want it to begin with and when I want it. But I am done letting that be the reason I canāt get mind-blowing sex. No more settling for two minute men or thirty men pumping into me like Iām some bicycle wheel in need of gas. No more of kneading my tits like they some sort of dough that needs baking. Iāll smack someoneās son if they manhandle my body any longer. No wonder I donāt understand the simple concept of self love, at least not when Iām letting someone think my body is some empty vessel. It took me a while to realize Iāve been settling for seconds best in everything because of my stupid need to feel wanted and love/ cared for. Not anymore. If your not worshiping my body like its a sanctuary, donāt fantasize with coming ten feet near it.
Mmmh, that felt good getting it out there.I suppose Iāve never been vocal about my sex life. Yes, this on and off depressed person has a sex lifeā¦
Moving on to another change, I have mentioned before that my nice personality has been taken for granted not once by friends and family. Iāve had not one occasion with not one person but different people come late to a scheduled meeting or date we had planned & they have kept me waiting for over two hours. Iāve sat at a restaurant waiting & when they finally show up, Iāve had to swallow down the urge to not beat the person to pulp while struggling to keep my tears down. I thought I was not a patient person until I had to experience this cycle for so long that Iād now say Iām at the edge of it. Not anymore more. New unconventional change of next year, Iāll always be an hour & a half late to any date or meeting, scheduled or not. I will purposely choose to take my sweet time at arriving and if the date Iām meeting has a problem with it ,they can as well leave & be on their way . It will take a toll on me pulling this through because my nature often forbids me to be anything other than nice to people but you know what, Iām done letting people take my good nature for granted. Iāll fight every good bone in my body to never be on time again.
Itās my final year in college & I need to have my head in the game. I donāt want unnecessary bullshit with exs, friends or family. I want to grow a pair of hard steel balls that will allow me to not condone any sort of disrespect ,dishonour or disregard from anyone, even from myself. I need to grow out of my shell, at least enough for the world to not shove me around anymore. I will not condone for my feelings to be deemed irrelevant by anyone, whether your my friend, foe ,family or significant other. I realize Iām writing this with so much harboured anger and pain for every time Iāve never stood up for myself, for every time Iāve cowed and for every time I kept quiet about something I should have spoken up about. The upcoming year is the year I do unconventional things that bring me a sense of contentment . No more nice Mercy. No more pushover Mercy. No more easily teased Mercy. Like my Queen said, āsuicide before you see this tears fall down my eyes ā.. I know it wonāt be easy but I know itās not impossible, I walked away from the shackles of a friendship that had dominated my life for the past five years, this wonāt be impossible eitherā¦
*high fives*
THIS, my Dear, is fantastic. You know what you want, you know what you like, and youāre not taking anyone elseās guilt trips to āYou Suck Islandā!
Your personal life is your own, it matters not one broken twig what anyone else may think of it. If you have preferences that are nonconventional (and most of us do, we just donāt admit it) then go ahead and enjoy. Safely of course! And yes, crappy sex isnāt worth your time! Ye gods⦠If I had a penny for every unsatisfying event, Iād be buying fancy things.
Donāt take crap from people who donāt value your time. Itās disrespectful of you. If someone says theyāll be there at 2, and they donāt show up or text until 4, theyāve proven they donāt care. There will be extenuating circumstances ā transportation issues and the like , but for the most part those can be planned for. Start easy ā give āem half an hour. Work your way down to 10 minutes.
So very proud of you, Sweetie! Happy Christmas!
Thank you love⦠Oh, I would have loved to celebrate this new found courage with you in person and have you cheer me on so I donāt loose grasp of it. But you are still amazing even despite the miles and miles of distance. You are a wonderful soul and yes, thank God for the chance we got to talk and meet. Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.
Thank you! But we are celebrating together, just not physically in the same room! I think weād have some pretty interesting conversations that would blister the ears of some people *giggles* Be well, and know you are loved!
I sure do believe we would have so much to talk about. Be well too and sending my love across the world to you.