Setting -soul -🔥

After all this time, I cannot pin point of everything that possibly sets my heart on fire. I’m certain though that it should be something that has my heart racing & my adrenaline pumping. At least that’s what I believe I feel when I’m in that head space where I’m peacefully chaotic and excited over an overwhelming feeling. We all have that something that tips you over ;that has you feeling euphoric.

Music sets my heart on fire.. Cliche’ really but I’ve gotta be normal in some form, right?? So yeah… When you get that jam that hits your soul to the root and it just sorta drowns you in it & virtually brings you into a different mental dimension where it’s just you & the lyrics of the song & the rhythm that just makes you feel like you’re floating… We all probably have geners of music we all feel we relate to and that hits different from the rest. Could be rock, indie music, jazz, opera, hip-hop, soul, country …I for sure can drown in country music & aesthetic soul music.. the latter being where I truly feel like I’m in my truest form of nature. Technically, for those who can’t necessarily pin point what kind of music it is I’m rambling about is in lame man’s language, depressing music. Music that mellows one out and has one completely feeling chill & melancholic. Yes, it’s sad but I can’t help myself. 😅

Not to delve further into any the ‘depressive shit’ in my life ..I know I never talk about my canvas often but I love the feeling or in this case, the high I get from getting new ink. It’s euphoric for me to go through the entire process of feeling it skim through my skin and form a beautiful artistic reminder of something significant to me. But for this year, I chose to take a time off on getting anymore ink, for more or less personal reasons…as I said before, there’s not much that I can say truly sets my soul on fire but I’ve come to learn that it doesn’t have to necessarily be common or good. I’ve spoken before about my affiliation to pain and I know it hardly makes sense to anyone. I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s meant to make sense but it sorta does for me. I don’t wanna have to delve into my reasons for why pain doesn’t always have to be wrong. I’ve survived through it, I believe it’s been a part of me long enough for me to say it’s not easy to detach from. It puts me at a crossroads where it’s not easy to feel. It’s heavy, It weighs on you. Then there’s a similar though different part of me that just is drawn to it. It’s a hard concept to wrap around in one’s mind of how anyone would be drawn to it.

Looking at my past now, I understand in my own twisted way why in it’s own sense it’s appealing and such a drowning feeling. This at all isn’t meant to glorify self harm in any shape or form. That is an entirely different spectrum of pain that isn’t pretty & holds no pride at all….Do I wish I didn’t feel this drawn to it, not really. You can call a consolation that those nitty-gritty aspects of myself are what have built the character & personality I have. It may not be conventional or the norm but as the saying goes, normal sucks.

5 responses to “Setting -soul -🔥”

  1. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you like, be it music, pain, or waffles. Everyone is wired differently, which is pretty dang cool when you think about it. I think where people can become concerned is when they see something that is self harm as opposed to being for pleasure. Violet Tchotchke, an American DRag performer is very open about her indulgence and appreciation of pain. I love her attitude towards it – it works for her, and if it doesn’t work for you, no big deal.
    Oh my Dear – I hope you are well and safe during this utter madness. We’re doing OK, although I would love to have 24 hours of alone time and quiet!

  2. I’m kind of hoping for curfew – some people still aren’t taking this mess seriously.
    Keep writing and inspiring others, interacting with us digitally, and finding more about yourself. Heaven knows that introspection and acceptance are pretty much a given. (Wow! I can actually hear birds, not traffic. Talk about surreal…)
    I’ve known several people in my life who have really enjoyed pain. They knew their limits, they explored, they trusted. Is that for everyone? Mm – no. On the other hand, it’s brought some of them very close and created loving bonds that are as unique as they are. It’s all good.

    • That’s nice that you can now have a sense of peace and quiet. Though I do hope we resume back to our sense of normalcy soon. Pain for me is a broad feeling, I feel like I derive it a lot, even in moments of happiness. I allude it to my anxiety but it’s usually what I feel a lot like myself

  3. ..I’m still trying to understand it all. It’s hard getting a grasp of my emotions, they are all too overwhelming. My sister just broke a cup I bought, considerably it was an accident on her part but I’ve felt so overwhelmed with anger and frustration, I’ve nearly lost it, I actually would have self harmed just so I don’t have to feel so heavy. My breathing has changed and it has completely screwed over the sense of normalcy I was in. I’m trying to calm myself as we speak.

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