A girl and her books – Entry 1

About three or so months ago, I started reading books on an e-reader on my phone, not that I wasn’t already a reader before but the app on which I previously used to read on crushed and hasn’t been back up since. So upon discovery of this new site, I was able to start reading a lot more and quite vastly than I did before. I was ecstatic, to say the least. Reading is such an essential part of me, just as it is with writing. After I got the hang of reading again, I decided that to be able to maintain a steady wave of my reading, I’d put out a list of books that I would have to complete at the end of every month, regardless of whether I got distracted or not. Being the way I am, this was perfect for me since I tend to easily sometimes take my sweet time while reading which slows down my pace on how many books I get to read. Anyway, I had been scheduling my reads for the past two months which has even allowed me to put in more reads over the month than I had intended.

Since I started on my monthly schedule of reading, I have read some really wonderful and inspiring books that made me wish I was in a book club of sorts that would allow me to delve into other people’s reviews of the books. Some books made me cry, others struck a chord and some others made me see a few things in a new light. I relish getting to the end of a good book because it just boosts my yearning for reading more of similar good/great books. Since for now, I still don’t have a book club, I thought that maybe instead of just moving on from one book to the other, I’d express through writing what certain books make me feel or how I related to a degree with the said book. It wouldn’t be a full review but just my take on what the books I read leave me with. Like an interaction between the book and me. Just to put it out there, my favourite genre of books always have a touch of mental health in them. For those who may not be aware, a lot of my life has revolved and still revolves around mental health so I quite regard it as very personal and integral to me. Reading more on it through either fiction or memoirs from authors has always given me a sense of connection and solace that my struggles with mental issues isn’t foreign. It has been a support system that is quite unmatched for me for which I am grateful. Therefore, going forward, I hope to be able to share here more of what I read and how it inspired my thoughts, my emotions and my ideas too.

Title of the book; All this time by Mikki Daughtry and Rachael Lippincott

I read this book over the month of September and it was a great read. I definitely would recommend this book, most especially to the readers who were great fans of the author’s similar books, Five Feet Apart and The Lucky List. Also for readers who enjoyed the books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Fault In Our Stars. I am hoping that whatever information I give on this book does not act as a spoiler for those who may seek an interest in reading this book. I actually don’t recall exactly how I came across it because I am constantly on the search for books, most especially on Pinterest since I am able to level down to specifics of the types of books I am usually in search of. For this book, it was at first a slightly slow read but not slow enough that you wouldn’t want to complete it. I was hoping for it not to be a tragic read because books that have an endless array of tragedy, I never quite finish. My anxiety always tends to have me lean on books that aren’t too tragic or those that seem to never have happy ends. But for this book, it proved to be quite worth the finish. It has a twist about it that at the beginning, a reader won’t quite detect. Overall, as the book nears its end, it will captivate you and intrigue you. It will hold your mind and bits of your heart captive. It won’t be a read you’ll be able to put down for another day, you will want to see it till the end and you’ll later be thankful that you did.

Without giving too much out about the book, it got me thinking of the fantasies that I as Dawn had as a child. I cannot entirely rule out whether some of those fantasies aren’t still there. I feel as though sometimes, as human beings, our instincts or hopes held out, allow for certain fantasies we might have had as children growing up to continue being part of us. For example, despite my not so great dating history, I still hold out hope that my fantasy of my ultimate perfect guy will still come to flourish. The odds aren’t on my side in regards to the outcome of this happening but it doesn’t change that I still secretly fantasize that it will. It especially is quite bleak right now because I don’t have the best outlook on dating or even marriage. If you asked me, I am 99% positive that I will never get married, it seems to turn out to be more of a trap for either gender involved. No offence to those who are married and are flourishing, good for you. As for myself, I am not sold on it. I for one don’t entirely believe that there is someone out there who will deem worthy to spend the rest of my life with. I know how that probably sounds, extremely self-centred and a bit, okay maybe a lot obnoxious but I mean it. It is hard for me to believe that someone out there will be the yin to my yang. That we will somehow be in sync with each other despite our differences and odds. But what do I know, most of you would say… I am 23 years old anyway, what experience do I have? I admit, my opinion stands the chance to change over time but it also might not. I believe that one does not start to learn when it is believed they are of “prime age”. What is this standard prime age where one’s opinion stands a chance of being valid and expressable? There is no such standard prime age, or at least I don’t believe there is…

Another such fantasy I have is that maybe, even despite the odds of it ever possibly happening, I will amass as much wealth as is equivalent to that of Kylie Jenner. I know, even when I say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous and such a cliché. Quite embarrassing even… Allow me to explain why this is even a fantasy to start with. For one, I actually take to the high regard that Kylie and I are exactly one year apart in age. She and I share a birthday and she is exactly a year older than I am. For most people, that shouldn’t even matter. For instance, I have a friend from college who shares his birthday with Queen Beyonce but I haven’t heard him trying to amass a similar form of stardom or wealth therefore who am I to want to match King Kylie. It is an absurd fantasy but again, it is my fantasy. The odds are greatly stacked against me, I am aware. I guess some fantasies are meant to come true while some are better yet left as just fantasies.

p.s I hope that anyone who gets to read this has the chance to check out the book All This Time by Mikkie Daughtry.

If I can, I will put a link at the bottom that will hopefully allow a reader to access the book from the site e-reader called Z library which is where I get my books from. https://book4you.org/book/9039712/2a2789

A Letter to my future lover.. 💏 💑

Dear future lover,

There is so much I need to brief you on about myself and how rough it’s been for me before I met you. I don’t see much need to introduce myself to you because you will have enough time for that in the time I hope we get to spend together, hopefully for as long as my life is deemed worthy .

Can I be honest with you😐, I have really quite searched for you. I have created this image in my head of how I hope you turn out and how you will be just perfect for me. At this point, I feel like am at a dead end in this search for you though I know it’s still quite early for me to conclude that. I can’t wait to laugh it out with you as I tell you all about the guys I have met along the way thinking they were a possible match for you 😅. I truly hope you don’t turn out exactly as I have you in my head because if you do, you will be a fictional character and I need you to be real… I need you to be alive and well for me to finally love and share my life with.

I don’t walk around thinking we are going to meet each other and sparks will fly and I will feel an electric spark when I touch you for the first time. I gotta admit that if that’s a real thing ,a certain part of me wishes it does come true.. But again, I need reality with you so I know not to expect a Romeo and Juliet kind of love. I don’t expect you to be perfect for me at the start, I hope we grow to be perfect for each other instead. I hope that the outpour of our love will be so great, it will flow in torrents and our imperfections will mesh so well that we will just be me the two of us. Pardon my sappiness, I didn’t mean to be so revealing to the world of our future love. 😍

I already have the song I want to sing to you on our wedding day. Btw, I hope you love or at least like Beyonce because you will be hearing a lot of her when with me. I even hope to cristen our first night as your wife to Rocket. Also just to give you a heads up, I really do hope our paths cross soon cause I want us to have a family just as soon. For so long in my mind I have been so selfish with my intentions of when I get my first child. I can tell you now that it will be the greatest joy of my life to bring a child into this world with you .Not so long ago i had given up on waiting to meet you and I was willing to get a child with the wrong man just so I could sate my need for a baby but I chose to wait. I realized it would have been selfish of me to expect you to just accept someone else’s child when they could have been yours from the very start. I truly hope I choose right and I know you will be an amazing dad..

To summarize this letter, I wanna let you in on a little bit of how I will probably be when you first meet me. I will be very skeptical of you and your intentions from the very start. I hope we start as friends before we take a dive into the deep end. I also then might just be probably dating a douche bag when we meet so I expect you to save me from him😁. I have no clue where we will meet, under what circumstances we will meet or whether I will even like you to begin with. It’s just how fate works I guess but I do want to make you a promise which I so often don’t do, I promise you to stop looking for you so hard and stop looking for you in every Tom, Dick and Harry. I will wait for you or for when nature chooses to bring as together. I hope our love endures every mile stone, every challenge life throws at us and everything else that we might not anticipate for then. I hope we learn to forgive each other because I can’t promise you I won’t fail you in more ways than one and that you won’t do the same to me. But through all of it, I hope we pick each other up with love and immense affection & care.

With love,

Your future wife. 💏

BDSM ‘ing this shit with the Kink Test😋😉

So this will probably be among one of my favourite post cause I’m so excited to write about it and I hope you’ll be just as excited to read it for those who enjoy getting snippets of how my mind and a bit of my life is. A few minutes ago I just came across a kink test to evaluate how kinky a person is and me being me and super curious just had to try it out. For those who have previously read my blogs, I have been very open about my interest in BDSM and the kinkiness of it. I’m not fully fledged into it but I’m curious and willing to learn the ropes of how it all is and where my interest lie. For starters, if you wanna take the test , i will post the link on my status pages on twitter and on whatsapp. Its quite amazing to learn what exactly it is your interested in after answering the questions.

This 👆is how the test looks like when you first log in with the link. I was super giddy when it went through because I have scavaged the internet for stuff concerning BDSM and kinks but most times I never get something substantial and therefore I haven’t really ventured in it as much. Again in Kenya it’s not as common and if it is, I haven’t gotten the connections apart from the spread podcast that I listen to that is sex education based so it has all the stuff concerning sex and everything else that comes along with it. As I said before, sex is nothing to be embarrassed about. For me I am choosing not to be embarrassed but proud that am currently exploring what it is about my sex life that I want to venture in and BDSM is just one of those things..

So this ☝️was how the questions from the beginning at the top all the way to the bottom final questions were in the test. I didn’t take pictures of my answers cause I consider them personal but I will reveal the results at the end of the blog. The questions were quite interesting and amusing at the same time. Through them I was able to gauge what kind of kink am into and what exactly I can’t try out in BDSM. I do advice that if you are interested or at all feel that you might have a kink or you usually are curious to try out a bit of different stuff during sex, this is your test too. It won’t hurt to try it out. If you at all not interested 🙂, feel free to not be bothered. Having a kink is not a must. It’s optional and for those who have them, it doesn’t make them any different. Just cause I love to have a bit of fun while having sex doesn’t mean my morals are non existent. So this a free non judgemental space and I want or hope to set an example by showing that it’s okay to be sexually different in your wants and needs.

The above are archetypes of BDSM. The different natures in BDSM. They will make it easier to understand where you lie in having a kink. It will also make it easier to understand the results after your done with the test. And now for my results which I still haven’t read through 🤔…

And my results are actually quite good for me. I’m a complete experimentalist .I’m BDSM curious and my test results just proved it. It also shows am quite the naughty submissive 😝 under the archetype brat… I’ve always sorta guessed between being a dominant and a sub that I am definitely a sub. It’s no secret at this point that I love myself a good strong dom 🤤..for the rest of the other archetypes, feel free to question me about them. I’ll also do a little bit more research about them since its all about learning.This whole exercise just made my evening and I hope that y’all who will read this will feel free to share what their kinks are. ✌