Staying Woke ✊🏿

So earlier today I was scrolling through my twitter and I came across a video that really got me thinking about a now common aspect that’s a touchy subject to most but it’s present especially among the millennials.This is the link to the video http://Check out @Refinery29’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/Refinery29/status/1115343555432787972?s=09… I won’t really delve into what the video contained but those who will read this by any chance can tap on the link to see what exactly it was about.

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So the elephant in the ‘room’ in this case is how I have viewed and felt about homosexuality for the time I have known about it and learned what it entails. To be pretty honest ,it’s one of the topics I have truly tried to avoid having to write about in hopes to not offend anyone who may have reservations about it whether be it positive or negative. But today I am choosing to write about it because it’s no longer a subject that’s behind the shadows or hidden but it’s openly discussed .Then again, I constantly have to remind myself and those who take their time to read my blog/person journal that I don’t write for them, I write as a means of expressing my thoughts and feelings about what I experience in life.

When I saw this video, it felt a lot like a blind fold was taken off my eyes and I viewed the video not as two lesbians having a heart to heart conversation about their relationship but as two souls in love and it was honestly the most beautiful expression of love that I haven’t seen in a while. Previously I have had so many reservations about this specific topic because I have had it in mind to be hesitant in accepting something new and completely against a whole lot of my beliefs and principles that I got to be raised in. It went against not just my cultural beliefs but also my religious beliefs and how it’s perceived in Christianity. I guess I didn’t really know how to wrap my head around it and not be a stereotype about it but at the same time try understand what it entirely is about and why it seems to be such a taboo of a topic.

At first I was more of unbothered about it than open to it but that’s until I got to be in the middle of dramatic relationship whereby this specific aspect was the greatest factor. That period of time and experience with homosexuality really damaged my view on it. It felt a lot like it came along with immaturity of the said party and irresponsibility, emotional instability and just plain havoc especially because I was on the receiving end of all those negative outcomes. That whole experience gave me enough reason to feel homophobic just cause I had a terrible time .I realize now that I shouldn’t have been that fast to judge and jump to conclusions about homosexuals just from one bad experience with one person… Now I actually feel apologetic towards not having dealt with the situation better.

Despite what I may think and all my beliefs regarding homosexuality, I now think that with the growing culture existent and diversity in life, I’m no one to judge why people choose who they choose to love. I’m just one person who can either choose to be closed minded of such people and their culture or accept that it’s the life they have chosen for themselves and if it makes them happy, I’m no one to stand against their happiness. Love truly doesn’t have a choice and it’s not limited on specifics .Its non judgemental and free. So I may not understand the concept of loving someone of the same sex but I will allow myself to not look at them from a stereotypical point of view. That video really touched a part of me and the genuine emotion in the air between those two lovers was one that was quite undeniable. I acknowledge that probably not everyone who’s gonna read this will see it like I am now but well,its their choice. I am not writing about it to get validation on it, let me make that clear. It’s simply me acknowledging that now I think differently concerning it and I will strive to understand more other than jump into judging them. I’m staying woke people, you should too. ✌🏿

A Letter to my future lover.. 💏 💑

Dear future lover,

There is so much I need to brief you on about myself and how rough it’s been for me before I met you. I don’t see much need to introduce myself to you because you will have enough time for that in the time I hope we get to spend together, hopefully for as long as my life is deemed worthy .

Can I be honest with you😐, I have really quite searched for you. I have created this image in my head of how I hope you turn out and how you will be just perfect for me. At this point, I feel like am at a dead end in this search for you though I know it’s still quite early for me to conclude that. I can’t wait to laugh it out with you as I tell you all about the guys I have met along the way thinking they were a possible match for you 😅. I truly hope you don’t turn out exactly as I have you in my head because if you do, you will be a fictional character and I need you to be real… I need you to be alive and well for me to finally love and share my life with.

I don’t walk around thinking we are going to meet each other and sparks will fly and I will feel an electric spark when I touch you for the first time. I gotta admit that if that’s a real thing ,a certain part of me wishes it does come true.. But again, I need reality with you so I know not to expect a Romeo and Juliet kind of love. I don’t expect you to be perfect for me at the start, I hope we grow to be perfect for each other instead. I hope that the outpour of our love will be so great, it will flow in torrents and our imperfections will mesh so well that we will just be me the two of us. Pardon my sappiness, I didn’t mean to be so revealing to the world of our future love. 😍

I already have the song I want to sing to you on our wedding day. Btw, I hope you love or at least like Beyonce because you will be hearing a lot of her when with me. I even hope to cristen our first night as your wife to Rocket. Also just to give you a heads up, I really do hope our paths cross soon cause I want us to have a family just as soon. For so long in my mind I have been so selfish with my intentions of when I get my first child. I can tell you now that it will be the greatest joy of my life to bring a child into this world with you .Not so long ago i had given up on waiting to meet you and I was willing to get a child with the wrong man just so I could sate my need for a baby but I chose to wait. I realized it would have been selfish of me to expect you to just accept someone else’s child when they could have been yours from the very start. I truly hope I choose right and I know you will be an amazing dad..

To summarize this letter, I wanna let you in on a little bit of how I will probably be when you first meet me. I will be very skeptical of you and your intentions from the very start. I hope we start as friends before we take a dive into the deep end. I also then might just be probably dating a douche bag when we meet so I expect you to save me from him😁. I have no clue where we will meet, under what circumstances we will meet or whether I will even like you to begin with. It’s just how fate works I guess but I do want to make you a promise which I so often don’t do, I promise you to stop looking for you so hard and stop looking for you in every Tom, Dick and Harry. I will wait for you or for when nature chooses to bring as together. I hope our love endures every mile stone, every challenge life throws at us and everything else that we might not anticipate for then. I hope we learn to forgive each other because I can’t promise you I won’t fail you in more ways than one and that you won’t do the same to me. But through all of it, I hope we pick each other up with love and immense affection & care.

With love,

Your future wife. 💏