I can’t go back there

…I am certainly overwhelmed by a lot of things right now. I feel tired and mentally and emotionally unstable because I feel like I am crawling back into a dark pit I fought so hard to get out from. It’s sad because I didn’t realise that I still had those feelings in my mind where my insecurities and doubts could surface and take over like they did. I am no stranger to depression, anxiety and withdraw.I know how hard it took for me to accept and handle that last year and I can’t go back there. I am so fucking scared right now that I am slowly seeping back into feeling unworthy of love and questioning myself just because I probably rushed into a relationship I wasn’t ready to handle: my expectations being rejected.

Its sounds petty and that is exactly what makes me feel I failed in not being good enough for it and now I am slowly breaking and feeling claustrophobic when with people and it sucks. Now am sitted in bed and all I want is to sink further in my bed and escape everything and everyone. For the first time ever I have had some dark thoughts cross my mind but I don’t want to allow myself to hurt me. I am not really sure why I am writing this, maybe it’s to finally come to terms that I am not okay.